Growing Up

"Does this mean we're starting over?" And with one question, she perfectly matched this miserable, rain-soaked day.

Yet inside, I had to smile. I had forgotten that question. I had forgotten the many times I've had to answer that question. I had forgotten all the names and faces who have asked me that question. The faces and names which were flooding back because of that question.

It's one of those questions that is difficult for a man to answer. There's no true "right answer", we do like certainty. But there are definitely many, many wrong ones. We are certain of that. The faces and names remind me of that. Scars well-earned that now make me laugh.

"It's OK if we do, I just want to know," snaps me back to the moment. I've learned enough to know to NOT search for the right answer. To NOT parrot what you've heard others say. To NOT say what you said when it all blew to hell because you searched for the right answer.

I've learned enough to know you speak from whatever is inside, whatever you feel RIGHT THEN. And accept the thought it may not be the right answer. It may not be what she wants to hear. It may not be the certainty you both would like. But it is real. It is consistent with what she knows is right, what she feels from you right then. And because it's real, it's right.

I wished in the past to always be right. Instead, today, with the rain slowing to a drizzle, I only hope to be real.