How I Can Just Kill a Man

Every year, I choose a word and do my best to add the many aspects and perspectives contained in it. This year's word is "Fierce."

I am reading this book, it was an x-mas gift. This line stopped me in my tracks and echoed for the next few days: "Like it or not, there is something fierce in the heart of every man." And there SHOULD be!

Looking at men, especially in the city, I don't often see it. Yelling at cabbies, although fun, doesn't count. Being pissy with a waiter, doesn't count. Pointing fingers out of daily frustrations, doesn't count. Fierce is all together different than these.

Even at our earliest, something fierce in the heart can be seen. I have a nephew who is 10 months old. He has been a near angel. Yet the other day, he showed a bit of what is in that little heart of his. While standing atop a conquered stair, he growled. He didn't whine, he didn't cry, he didn't scream. He growled. Like victors do. Like warriors do. Like MEN do. He may be adorable doing it, but that doesn't negate he is already fighting to one day be a man.

It's a trait that has served man well for centuries. He's explored because of it. He's conquered because of it. He's changed his world because of it. We would not be where we are without it.

I've been contemplating this topic for the past couple months. There is something fierce in the heart of every man. When it is ignored, everyone pays the price. I am saddened for my sisters in the city who often complain about finding a "real" man. I'm mildly frustrated at the boys in the city when I see opportunities to step up are discarded as a matter of habit or lack of understanding.

When that something fierce is acknowledged, when that force of will is displayed, society opens doors. Doors that most don't believe exist, let alone can be opened by counter-intuitive means. As one who has been on both sides, I can confidently attest there is a HUGE difference in his life when a man chooses to live as a powerful man.

Many men I meet and friends I know don't want to offend anyone or be offended by anyone. They are putting a lot of effort into making no waves, content on showing up and hoping "something" will happen. Showing up at work and hoping a raise or advancement will come. Showing up at a bar or club and hoping they meet someone. Every month or so, showing up on a date and hoping something happens. Sure, one does have to show up, it's the hoping instead of determined effort that disappoints me.

There is a disconnect between men and society and men and themselves, for that matter. You don't have to dig deep to see the appeal of Tyler Durden or Don Draper. My approach changed when I came to understand I'm NOT as nice as I would like, or would like you, to believe. There is something fierce in my heart. It is there to help me protect and provide for those around me, those in my life, and those I love.

After many years of trying to be "the nice guy" it's about time that label is dropped and a new one is claimed. It's about time I stop running from the truth that has always been there. It's about time to turn, to face, to look in the eyes of all those things that deny what has been there from the earliest. Like it or not, there is something fierce in the heart of every man. Like it or not, there is something fierce in MY heart.