"You're not getting me alone tonite." And I meant it as I pulled her in.
"We rode together so I HAVE to go back to your place for my car," her whispers sounded logical.
"In that case, what I'll do is drive by your car, and slow down some, and you can just jump..." I shove her an arm's length away with a laugh, "...because you're not getting me alone tonite. And don't forget to roll when you hit, it'll help the fall." I didn't mean that.
"But you have to let me in, I have a present for you." I pulled her back in, "Damn, you're good." Well played, sister.
Things are spinning, anxiety is high and my nerves are really raw this week. I had taken a double dose of Fukitol. She wasn't getting me alone because she had already set a "rule" for number of dates before we could sleep together. (I understand a girl's point of view on this, but taking it off the table doesn't sit well with me. Something to do with withholding intimacy.) So yeah, didn't like that. Bad kitty. But drinking belgians at the end of a hard day with her there made my day through the ringer feel like weeks ago. That's good beer! And good company.
"You need to be careful with me," I whispered in her ear, "You could have me for a song tonite, and I can't have that. So you need to be very careful." I was playing the part of the wounded warrior because I felt it. Not because it was a ploy or a routine but because it was real. I can't take any more shit today, don't fucking toy with me.
"Are you using 'reverse psychology' on me?" she wondered outloud, squeezing my hand and smiling.
"No. I'm not." And I wasn't. I wasn't playing. I wasn't smiling. She would later say this was the reason she had to have me, the vunerability was a "major turn-on".
As we walked to the car with me still protesting that she wasn't getting me alone (I was! kidding now) , I pulled her into doorways for 5-second make-outs, lost count on how many. Then let her get back to her story about early morning meetings or a car dealership or something that was secondary to the subcontext of the moment.
Back at my place I told her, "Don't get comfy. Where's my present?" Her coat came off and she got comfy. A bottle of rum was given while her shoes came off, "Hope you like it." A hug of thanks exchanged. And we both got comfy. Then everything else came off.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Suppose She's Miss Understood
Suppose I met someone recently. Suppose that girl was pretty. damn! cool. Suppose her and her friends acted like they owned the place. Suppose when I first saw her I knew we would meet and hang, at least a little. (C'mon! I always suppose Serendipity did it's part by having us in the same place at the same time, it's my job after that.) Suppose, at that place and time, she had a little buzz. And a little attitude. Suppose I like a little attitude. Just suppose I like a little challenge.
And maybe amongst great stories of past conquests, she provided only bits of info and no contact, save, OMG WTF BBQ, a blog. That, I think, would be enough to find her. FYI, don't suppose that!
And maybe, Serendipity, with a little nudge, went to work again. Suppose I got to hang with her sans friends. Suppose when she spoke about life, the city, her passions, her eyes shined. Suppose she shined.
Suppose commonalities were found. Suppose a good part of the initial attitude melted like the ice in her glass. Suppose great charm emerged. And whatever walls there are, came down just a little. Just enough to show a softer heart and honest enthusiasm about life and family. Suppose a moment was shared. Suppose two. Suppose I understood a little more than attitude.
If all of that were to take place, I suppose I might like to see her again. I suppose, when inspiration hit, I might like to write about it. Good thing this didn't happen then. Because if it did, and we did, and I did, and she did, then there'd be a chance, just a sliver of a chance really, maybe too small to mention. Maybe too small to wonder. But maybe, perhaps...just supposing. Then there's a chance she could be reading this. right now. I suppose me writing this may be unwise. I suppose I'll let someone else decide.
UPDATE: Haha, and it looks like she did. There's no way I am going to feel bad about this. She was/is a great girl. I had a great time. I'll regret this post because of the needlessly lost opportunity, but I won't apologize for it or for expressing myself while being inspired. I've clamped that down in the past and it only leads to worse things. However, she will be the last to know I blog. I sincerely wish her well, she is a fun, creative person. Then again, so am I.
And maybe amongst great stories of past conquests, she provided only bits of info and no contact, save, OMG WTF BBQ, a blog. That, I think, would be enough to find her. FYI, don't suppose that!
And maybe, Serendipity, with a little nudge, went to work again. Suppose I got to hang with her sans friends. Suppose when she spoke about life, the city, her passions, her eyes shined. Suppose she shined.
Suppose commonalities were found. Suppose a good part of the initial attitude melted like the ice in her glass. Suppose great charm emerged. And whatever walls there are, came down just a little. Just enough to show a softer heart and honest enthusiasm about life and family. Suppose a moment was shared. Suppose two. Suppose I understood a little more than attitude.
If all of that were to take place, I suppose I might like to see her again. I suppose, when inspiration hit, I might like to write about it. Good thing this didn't happen then. Because if it did, and we did, and I did, and she did, then there'd be a chance, just a sliver of a chance really, maybe too small to mention. Maybe too small to wonder. But maybe, perhaps...just supposing. Then there's a chance she could be reading this. right now. I suppose me writing this may be unwise. I suppose I'll let someone else decide.
UPDATE: Haha, and it looks like she did. There's no way I am going to feel bad about this. She was/is a great girl. I had a great time. I'll regret this post because of the needlessly lost opportunity, but I won't apologize for it or for expressing myself while being inspired. I've clamped that down in the past and it only leads to worse things. However, she will be the last to know I blog. I sincerely wish her well, she is a fun, creative person. Then again, so am I.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
What I Want
I am returning to Spain within the week, only for a visit. I lived there for a year many years ago. There are many sights I am longing to see: The fountains . The cobblestone streets. The house in my neighborhood that is older than America. The guitar shop where I bought my handmade flamenco guitar. The Alhambra. Granada is a second hometown to me. It always will be. But there is one sight I long to see and hope very much that I don't. Her name is Ana.
I know "love at first sight" exists, because Ana exists. I know time can be frozen, because it was. And I was there. I didn't understand the first words she said because she had the most unusual and amazing eyes, brown and green like marbles, and I was lost in them. But her words were sadly prophetic, "Es una lástima yo no hablo inglés." And it's a shame I don't speak Spanish. To adore someone and never be able to say it is awful. To never be able to say it because of language is worse.
Tossing and turning out of that frustration one night, I awoke and demanded one question of myself, "What do you want?!" My answer took less than 20 mins to write. And it has proven to be a time capsule that brings be back every time to the scenes and my emotions in them. But that's also where they should stay. I adore her then. I don't know her now.
I wanted to review this memory before all the others come flooding back. Ana never got to see this. Never got to hear it. Never got to read it. Never got to know it. Like you do.
What I want is to see you again
with the words and their meaning in place.
The shine of your hair, the light in your eyes
and a smile on your beautiful face.
To see you move and talk with friends
some you have barely just met.
To watch your hands, your mouth, your lips
as you light your last cigarette.
To have you look at me through a dim-lit room
from across a smoke-filled bar.
To say with that look, not with my words,
how strong and sensual you are.
To smell your perfume. To touch your hand.
The skin, I imagine, is soft.
To hear your heart. To feel your breath.
These are the thoughts in which I get lost.
I know "love at first sight" exists, because Ana exists. I know time can be frozen, because it was. And I was there. I didn't understand the first words she said because she had the most unusual and amazing eyes, brown and green like marbles, and I was lost in them. But her words were sadly prophetic, "Es una lástima yo no hablo inglés." And it's a shame I don't speak Spanish. To adore someone and never be able to say it is awful. To never be able to say it because of language is worse.
Tossing and turning out of that frustration one night, I awoke and demanded one question of myself, "What do you want?!" My answer took less than 20 mins to write. And it has proven to be a time capsule that brings be back every time to the scenes and my emotions in them. But that's also where they should stay. I adore her then. I don't know her now.
I wanted to review this memory before all the others come flooding back. Ana never got to see this. Never got to hear it. Never got to read it. Never got to know it. Like you do.
I'm writing this, selfishly, for me. But I also hope it serves notice that you never, ever, know when you may have inspired good things in someone's heart. You may have done it today.
"What I Want"What I want is to see you again
with the words and their meaning in place.
The shine of your hair, the light in your eyes
and a smile on your beautiful face.
To see you move and talk with friends
some you have barely just met.
To watch your hands, your mouth, your lips
as you light your last cigarette.
To have you look at me through a dim-lit room
from across a smoke-filled bar.
To say with that look, not with my words,
how strong and sensual you are.
To smell your perfume. To touch your hand.
The skin, I imagine, is soft.
To hear your heart. To feel your breath.
These are the thoughts in which I get lost.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Salsa Like You Live
In an effort to have fun, learn new skills, and, yes, meet new people, I've decided to start Salsa Dancing. Cliched? Maybe. But have you done it, yet?
I get there and the instructor is already shouting commands to the 20 "couples" who are there. It's more like random guys and random girls with a couple or two sprinkled in. The basic moves are actually not that tough to get: Count to 8, move your feet, feel the rhythm and it's very basic. I used to do a lot of West Coast Swing so I'm comfy learning on the fly and very comfy with the inherent sexiness Salsa has, as well. My fellow male counterparts aren't so comfy. And the females don't look that way, either.
As the instructor shows the guys their parts, we shuffle, we try to shuffle, most try to shuffle to the beat. Once we've managed "well enough", the instructor moves to the girls. And as the girls shuffle, try, or manage a great thought hit me. Here is where I am reminded why dancing is so great: Dancing is a social exercise. Dancing is a microcosm of dating. And of love. And of life.
Just like dancing, we each have to learn our parts. Go outside of the basic rhythm and what you do becomes awkward and frustrating for you and the one you are with. I don't like dancing off rhythm. Don't know anyone who does. Know too many who shuffle, who try, who manage all the same.
After the girls' instructions, we come together as mismatched, momentary couples to try to salsa. We didn't do too well. In MY defense, I don't think my partner understood English. No judgements. I just had to show her how it's done instead. Communication goes beyond language.
Then the instructor shouted priceless instructions, "If your partner is not moving with you, STOP! " I'm not just taking Salsa at this point. "If your partner is looking at the floor and not you, STOP! If you and your partner are not moving to the beat of the music, STOP!" And the just-as-important, "Now, let's try that again." So we did. And we improved.
"Guys rotate to your left!" And now I have a new partner. Who's just a little different than the last. Who is doing the same basic steps. And it's becoming easier as we go.
But I already know a secret my fellow boys may not: The boy leads. When the boy leads, the girl follows. It's not so easy to do in either case. And it's obvious to see on the faces of every couple there.
I think the reason for this is it's very counter to what culture tells us these days: "Guys, be very considerate to everyone. Be respectful and don't impede the wishes of others. Don't be overly physical or force your will.", "Ladies, don't let someone tell you what to do. Don't supplicate in any situation. Stand up and speak your mind, but not too much."
I believe if a something exists then it's fulfilling a need. Same goes with these thoughts. But dancing, or rather, dancing well, doesn't really give a shit. The principles of dancing could very well be accused of being sexist. And yet, they don't work very well otherwise. The instructor is reminding us of that every chance he can, "If you mess up, it's THE GUY'S FAULT!" Doesn't quite sound "equal". But you already know I love this idea, don't you?
As we continue to dance and rotate and dance again, it's obvious those couples having trouble are the couples whose GUY'S are having trouble. Trouble leading. Trouble moving himself. Trouble moving his partner. Maybe trouble understanding. And another thought hits: You dance like you live.
I get there and the instructor is already shouting commands to the 20 "couples" who are there. It's more like random guys and random girls with a couple or two sprinkled in. The basic moves are actually not that tough to get: Count to 8, move your feet, feel the rhythm and it's very basic. I used to do a lot of West Coast Swing so I'm comfy learning on the fly and very comfy with the inherent sexiness Salsa has, as well. My fellow male counterparts aren't so comfy. And the females don't look that way, either.
As the instructor shows the guys their parts, we shuffle, we try to shuffle, most try to shuffle to the beat. Once we've managed "well enough", the instructor moves to the girls. And as the girls shuffle, try, or manage a great thought hit me. Here is where I am reminded why dancing is so great: Dancing is a social exercise. Dancing is a microcosm of dating. And of love. And of life.
Just like dancing, we each have to learn our parts. Go outside of the basic rhythm and what you do becomes awkward and frustrating for you and the one you are with. I don't like dancing off rhythm. Don't know anyone who does. Know too many who shuffle, who try, who manage all the same.
After the girls' instructions, we come together as mismatched, momentary couples to try to salsa. We didn't do too well. In MY defense, I don't think my partner understood English. No judgements. I just had to show her how it's done instead. Communication goes beyond language.
Then the instructor shouted priceless instructions, "If your partner is not moving with you, STOP! " I'm not just taking Salsa at this point. "If your partner is looking at the floor and not you, STOP! If you and your partner are not moving to the beat of the music, STOP!" And the just-as-important, "Now, let's try that again." So we did. And we improved.
"Guys rotate to your left!" And now I have a new partner. Who's just a little different than the last. Who is doing the same basic steps. And it's becoming easier as we go.
But I already know a secret my fellow boys may not: The boy leads. When the boy leads, the girl follows. It's not so easy to do in either case. And it's obvious to see on the faces of every couple there.
I think the reason for this is it's very counter to what culture tells us these days: "Guys, be very considerate to everyone. Be respectful and don't impede the wishes of others. Don't be overly physical or force your will.", "Ladies, don't let someone tell you what to do. Don't supplicate in any situation. Stand up and speak your mind, but not too much."
I believe if a something exists then it's fulfilling a need. Same goes with these thoughts. But dancing, or rather, dancing well, doesn't really give a shit. The principles of dancing could very well be accused of being sexist. And yet, they don't work very well otherwise. The instructor is reminding us of that every chance he can, "If you mess up, it's THE GUY'S FAULT!" Doesn't quite sound "equal". But you already know I love this idea, don't you?
As we continue to dance and rotate and dance again, it's obvious those couples having trouble are the couples whose GUY'S are having trouble. Trouble leading. Trouble moving himself. Trouble moving his partner. Maybe trouble understanding. And another thought hits: You dance like you live.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Dating Philosophy: I want Gravity
Perhaps it's a good time to give an accounting of my dating philosophy. Why now? Well, it hasn't been recorded yet and last nite I had a really good date. If you plan to follow any future posts, knowing my approach might ease some confusion. Might. Because frankly, dear reader, (and I might lose you on this) I had a really good date which means...I need to date someone else.
That's right. Some. One. Else.
Alright, I can already see I'm moving too fast. Unless you have come to a similar realization (and I know one or two of you have) this is a brand new world. Welcome.
I didn't start out with this mentality. Like anyidiotic fool romantic young lad, I fully believed the mantra: If you are a good person...and are nice to people...then eventually...you will find...the Right...someone. (I bet you could recite that along with me.)
Nothing could be further from the truth. There are so many holes in that boat, it hit rock bottom before the line was finished. Unless you still believe that, unless you still live that. In which case, it still hit rock bottom and you didn't even know it. And you need to keep reading.
When I said I needed to date someone else, I bet you made an assumption. I bet you thought I would end it and move on to someone else. I bet you assumed I would NOT see Ms. GD again. Nothing could be further from the truth. Which would mean...(c'mon, you can do it)...I would be dating...2?...people. Yeah! See that wasn't so hard. And actually, the answer is No. Most likely at least 2, but I don't want you spinning too much right now.
Dear Reader: "But if you like her, why would you date someone else?"
(Haha, you 're adorable! do you know that?) The reason is BECAUSE I could like her is why others should be added to the mix. You see when most people find someone whose company they enjoy they welcome that person in fully. They do more and more with them. They become comfortable. Their social skills start to rust. (Skills that are needed to keep that someone happy, btw.) The two become intertwined, incorporated, and fixated.
Not at first, but within a couple months/weeks/days, depending, life starts to revolve around that someone. For both people. Identities get mixed, friends get merged, Saturday nite is assumed ("What do you want to do?" "I don't know what do YOU want to do?") and toiletries men are not very familiar with start to appear in the bathroom OUT OF NOWHERE. (yes, that was a Seinfeld reference.)
From a certain perspective, this is romantic. I can see that. But there's no need to be so completelyidiotic romantic about it. Here is A MAJOR POINT: I AM NOT HER SAVIOR. I am NOT her knight-in-shining-armour. I am not her tour director. I am NOT her moral compass, conscience or all-knowing spiritual guide.
I love it when a woman has her own life and is willing to share a part of that with me. I love that she has girl's nite out, don't even mind if she flirts with the bartender while she's there. I love that sewing/painting/grad school is on Wed nite which means we can't have dinner then but maybe I could see her after, she'll have to let me know. I love that she has a life! I love that she has HER life. And I love being included if only sometimes. (side note: being unavailable can amp attraction. She usually knows that, too. dammit!) So if I become her life, what exactly is she sharing? And what exactly am I being asked to fulfill?
When this takes place, and it too often does, date nite becomes ONE nite. If that. Coming over becomes lounging on the couch watching bad TV and eating worse food or vice versa, whatever. That, out of habit, is something I don't like. I'm not her savior, I'm her companion. (Love the poignancy of Def #4.) This is also why I don't let her do my laundry, clean my place, rearrange the furniture, reorganize the frig, redecorate the bath, etc. I'm not her savior, she's not my maid.
If I don't want her doing that to me, why would I do that to her? Why would I RISK doing that to her? Why would I risk HER identity, MY identity, HER life, MY life for a Hollywoodlandempty-promise romantic payoff? Remember we're just DATING. Should it progress, that changes a-few things a-little, but I'd still want a woman who's got something other than me in her life. I imagine, she wants a man who has something other than her own life to offer back to her.
So, that's just point #1.
OK...so, why don't I just watch how much time we spend together?
Good question! Maybe. Because if I like spending time with her, I'm going to want to spend A LOT OF TIME with her. If I'm spending time with her, she's "wowed" me in some way. She's shown she is very different than anyone else. I'm going to want to do everything with her. In every way. I'm going to want to eat her up!
So now we're talking Intellectual vs. Emotional. You can think about it all day, but what you feel is going to win. Your intellect will kick in to justify those feelings. Emotion wins. Above I said most people will "welcome that person in fully". Guess what? I'M LIKE MOST PEOPLE! I'm not a unique snowflake, I'm a man. A guy. And any guy who digs a girl is going to want to be with that girl. And he will run through a brick wall to do it!
So now, I have an issue. I can either change my thinking or change my emotions. How well do you think that will work? You haven't completely disagreed with my points so far, have you? See what I mean.
Hmm, if only there was a third option. One that would equal my now one-sided focus. You see it now? Yep. Date another someone. And let me stop right here and make another MAJOR POINT: THE SECOND GIRL IS NOT "SECOND" IN ANY WAY.
I may have met her after, but that isn't to say she is any less beautiful, talented, inspiring or that my emotional reaction is any less than a genuine "Wow!" If she hasn't "wowed" me in some way, I'm not spending time with her. If there is a harsh approach here, it's THIS! I'm not going to spend time with someone in a romantic way if she has not turned my head and peaked my interest. I'd hope in this I'm not unlike every single person in the world. (though, unfortunately, I know that's not true.)
So now, we simply adhere to an old adage, the one with all the eggs in the basket. And even though I'm writing this from a male perspective, I think flipping the script and having a woman do this is an equally good idea. Keep that in mind. Having options allows for greater freedom and a greater appreciation of those options.
This is beneficial for a lot of ways. I now am NOT completely focused on one person, I can't be. I'm not always wondering what she's doing, what she wore today, how wonderful her perfume smells on the shoulder of my sweater (ok, maybe that one) I can't be so singularly focused. If I am, what happens? But I, literally, can NOT be. I have two people who I adore. I'm wondering about them both, which means I'm not fixated on EITHER.
And there is nothing like a boy-girl relationship to show you what you are lacking. If you care about yourself and use this as an opportunity to improve, you will have more than enough to work on. Social skills will be finely honed. Ability to keep and hold a connection will be of huge importance. And focusing on the power of now will be nothing less than life altering.
DR: "Oh, you sum-bitch, 2-timing, lying, good-for-nothin'..." Hold on, there Missy.
You just made another assumption. And maybe you shouldn't have. That assumption was...that I'm lying...that I'm cheating. That one girl doesn't know about the other. That isn't, or shouldn't, be the case. And I NEVER, EVER advocate lying, cheating, sleeping with someone if the other person you are seeing does NOT know that is a possibility!
Obviously, any boy OR GIRL will be careful in the DETAILS they divulge if there is sexual contact. That's what blogging's for! (I soo hope you know that's what the kids call "a joke".) No, even that intimate act shouldn't be withheld. If you're mature enough to handle it, you should be mature enough to share. And mature enough to be "protected" for everyone's sake.
OK, inventory check, what do we have? An amazing girl I really like. And a different and equally amazing girl I really like. Both of whom know this and both of whom know I am social and am dating. That's it.
If something changes in the equation, everything changes. If the relationship progresses and needs to go deeper, then a decision has to be made. But nothing in life is set forever. Nothing but change is permanent.
Remember the original issue: I know a girl I could like and I don't want to ruin that by becoming less social, less flexible, less open. I'd like for us to have fun. I'd like to keep that fun light-hearted. I'd like to keep that time as something we look forward to, not something that is a given. Not something that has no tension, pull or passion. I want Gravity. And I also want to fly.
That's right. Some. One. Else.
Alright, I can already see I'm moving too fast. Unless you have come to a similar realization (and I know one or two of you have) this is a brand new world. Welcome.
I didn't start out with this mentality. Like any
Nothing could be further from the truth. There are so many holes in that boat, it hit rock bottom before the line was finished. Unless you still believe that, unless you still live that. In which case, it still hit rock bottom and you didn't even know it. And you need to keep reading.
When I said I needed to date someone else, I bet you made an assumption. I bet you thought I would end it and move on to someone else. I bet you assumed I would NOT see Ms. GD again. Nothing could be further from the truth. Which would mean...(c'mon, you can do it)...I would be dating...2?...people. Yeah! See that wasn't so hard. And actually, the answer is No. Most likely at least 2, but I don't want you spinning too much right now.
Dear Reader: "But if you like her, why would you date someone else?"
(Haha, you 're adorable! do you know that?) The reason is BECAUSE I could like her is why others should be added to the mix. You see when most people find someone whose company they enjoy they welcome that person in fully. They do more and more with them. They become comfortable. Their social skills start to rust. (Skills that are needed to keep that someone happy, btw.) The two become intertwined, incorporated, and fixated.
Not at first, but within a couple months/weeks/days, depending, life starts to revolve around that someone. For both people. Identities get mixed, friends get merged, Saturday nite is assumed ("What do you want to do?" "I don't know what do YOU want to do?") and toiletries men are not very familiar with start to appear in the bathroom OUT OF NOWHERE. (yes, that was a Seinfeld reference.)
From a certain perspective, this is romantic. I can see that. But there's no need to be so completely
I love it when a woman has her own life and is willing to share a part of that with me. I love that she has girl's nite out, don't even mind if she flirts with the bartender while she's there. I love that sewing/painting/grad school is on Wed nite which means we can't have dinner then but maybe I could see her after, she'll have to let me know. I love that she has a life! I love that she has HER life. And I love being included if only sometimes. (side note: being unavailable can amp attraction. She usually knows that, too. dammit!) So if I become her life, what exactly is she sharing? And what exactly am I being asked to fulfill?
When this takes place, and it too often does, date nite becomes ONE nite. If that. Coming over becomes lounging on the couch watching bad TV and eating worse food or vice versa, whatever. That, out of habit, is something I don't like. I'm not her savior, I'm her companion. (Love the poignancy of Def #4.) This is also why I don't let her do my laundry, clean my place, rearrange the furniture, reorganize the frig, redecorate the bath, etc. I'm not her savior, she's not my maid.
If I don't want her doing that to me, why would I do that to her? Why would I RISK doing that to her? Why would I risk HER identity, MY identity, HER life, MY life for a Hollywoodland
So, that's just point #1.
OK...so, why don't I just watch how much time we spend together?
Good question! Maybe. Because if I like spending time with her, I'm going to want to spend A LOT OF TIME with her. If I'm spending time with her, she's "wowed" me in some way. She's shown she is very different than anyone else. I'm going to want to do everything with her. In every way. I'm going to want to eat her up!
So now we're talking Intellectual vs. Emotional. You can think about it all day, but what you feel is going to win. Your intellect will kick in to justify those feelings. Emotion wins. Above I said most people will "welcome that person in fully". Guess what? I'M LIKE MOST PEOPLE! I'm not a unique snowflake, I'm a man. A guy. And any guy who digs a girl is going to want to be with that girl. And he will run through a brick wall to do it!
So now, I have an issue. I can either change my thinking or change my emotions. How well do you think that will work? You haven't completely disagreed with my points so far, have you? See what I mean.
Hmm, if only there was a third option. One that would equal my now one-sided focus. You see it now? Yep. Date another someone. And let me stop right here and make another MAJOR POINT: THE SECOND GIRL IS NOT "SECOND" IN ANY WAY.
I may have met her after, but that isn't to say she is any less beautiful, talented, inspiring or that my emotional reaction is any less than a genuine "Wow!" If she hasn't "wowed" me in some way, I'm not spending time with her. If there is a harsh approach here, it's THIS! I'm not going to spend time with someone in a romantic way if she has not turned my head and peaked my interest. I'd hope in this I'm not unlike every single person in the world. (though, unfortunately, I know that's not true.)
So now, we simply adhere to an old adage, the one with all the eggs in the basket. And even though I'm writing this from a male perspective, I think flipping the script and having a woman do this is an equally good idea. Keep that in mind. Having options allows for greater freedom and a greater appreciation of those options.
This is beneficial for a lot of ways. I now am NOT completely focused on one person, I can't be. I'm not always wondering what she's doing, what she wore today, how wonderful her perfume smells on the shoulder of my sweater (ok, maybe that one) I can't be so singularly focused. If I am, what happens? But I, literally, can NOT be. I have two people who I adore. I'm wondering about them both, which means I'm not fixated on EITHER.
And there is nothing like a boy-girl relationship to show you what you are lacking. If you care about yourself and use this as an opportunity to improve, you will have more than enough to work on. Social skills will be finely honed. Ability to keep and hold a connection will be of huge importance. And focusing on the power of now will be nothing less than life altering.
DR: "Oh, you sum-bitch, 2-timing, lying, good-for-nothin'..." Hold on, there Missy.
You just made another assumption. And maybe you shouldn't have. That assumption was...that I'm lying...that I'm cheating. That one girl doesn't know about the other. That isn't, or shouldn't, be the case. And I NEVER, EVER advocate lying, cheating, sleeping with someone if the other person you are seeing does NOT know that is a possibility!
Obviously, any boy OR GIRL will be careful in the DETAILS they divulge if there is sexual contact. That's what blogging's for! (I soo hope you know that's what the kids call "a joke".) No, even that intimate act shouldn't be withheld. If you're mature enough to handle it, you should be mature enough to share. And mature enough to be "protected" for everyone's sake.
OK, inventory check, what do we have? An amazing girl I really like. And a different and equally amazing girl I really like. Both of whom know this and both of whom know I am social and am dating. That's it.
If something changes in the equation, everything changes. If the relationship progresses and needs to go deeper, then a decision has to be made. But nothing in life is set forever. Nothing but change is permanent.
Remember the original issue: I know a girl I could like and I don't want to ruin that by becoming less social, less flexible, less open. I'd like for us to have fun. I'd like to keep that fun light-hearted. I'd like to keep that time as something we look forward to, not something that is a given. Not something that has no tension, pull or passion. I want Gravity. And I also want to fly.
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