Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tainted Love

What's not to like about a song? They're given to being short. They have a beginning and an end. And no "To-be-continued"s. Just a few short verses, a little conflict, maybe a message and, hopefully, an interesting close. Then a slight pause before another songs comes. There's a rhythm involved, not just to each song, but in between songs. There's a rhythm and a link through the whole collection.

I used to be one who, if the song...(you know we're talking about more than songs at this point, right?)...if the song wasn't my style, wasn't really interesting, wasn't in harmony with my emotions or thoughts, then it was discarded. And quickly. Not every song ends well, either. I'd avoid the ones I knew that wouldn't. And I never thought twice about it.

My rhythm and approach may have changed in between songs.

I'm currently seeing someone. And it's going to end badly. And it's going to be my fault. But right now, I'm willing to listen intently until the very end. Right now, I am simply enjoying the music. I'm learning to enjoy the music in spite of the ending, in spite of the message, in spite of the conflict, in spite of myself.

Too often I've ended it early, tested it on purpose, never started to begin with, or enjoyed only the few first moments with no future to be had beyond that night.

But this will be my fault completely and Contempt will be the reason. I have this man, and this book, to thank for at least knowing that. When one partner looks down on the other, no matter the reason or cause, it is THE predictor of a relationship's success.

I don't like that I do this. I don't like that the attitude emerges on inconsequential issues at inappropriate times. There's no animosity or vitriol with it. And there are so many things I do enjoy about her, I don't like that a knee-jerk reaction in minor moments is to think, "WTF?!" It happens too often to be overlooked for long. We both deserve better than that.

To be honest, I'd much rather write about sexy encounters or an exciting rendezvous. The unexpected beauty and wonderful tension are in those unsure moments where success and failure have an equal chance. But the scale has tipped, success on the losing end.

The only kind consolation is that this singer should be heard, her song should be sung. She is beautiful in the light. And I will listen as long as she sings until the very end.

3 comments:

Lemmonex said...

This is a very girl thing to say, but don't you think you are dooming it to end badly if you think as such? FWIW, I often think the same...

DCVibe said...

I'm hoping it DOESN'T end badly!Experience tells me otherwise. I'm not always so fatalistic! :) But I'm just pretending the clouds aren't starting to gather and the sun will continue to shine.

thanks for weighing in. :)

Anonymous said...

This just makes me wonder what little things you are talking about...

Also on the subject of the facial expressions... I read a book about emotions, and wether they were a learned behavior. A movie was shown and the people filmed while watching, the different culturals when watching a movie showed the same reaction, but then depending on the social norm it would be hidden or sometimes disgusied as another. That was very interesting. The Americans would also over do things- laugh at things they had disgust for etc.